Well – after all of that I had the grand idea to record about 10 minutes and make a looped video of the storm like you see all across the YouTube. There is a whole genre of ASMR, relaxing sound, sleep sound, rain, storm, fire, what-have-you videos.
I am aware that if I really wanted to do this up right I should have better sound equipment and a better camera set up (as right now you can hear me breathing and you can see the front porch door when the lightening flashes.) But! For my first attempt, it’s not too shabby.
So! If you’re looking for some ambience, go ahead and turn it on!
If you’re hoping that it was a longer video and you’re on a desktop, you can follow these steps to loop it further:
I absolutely love a good thunderstorm, especially at night! Hopefully you’ll find some relaxing ambience in this bonus video! This video I was only able to loop for an hour in production, but if you follow these steps you can loop it for even longer on your own! – Open Video – Right Click – Open Loop Menu – Set how you want it!
I hear tell that if you are on mobile and want to loop a video you just have to add it to a new play list and set the playlist on repeat!
Do you like these kinds of videos? I may be able to create some more, I’m not quite sure yet, but I’d love to give it a shot!
Okay confession time… Today is NOT Kerbe’s birthday. Her birthday is June 8th. Guess what else? She turned 6 this year. HAH! I filmed this more than a year ago. haha
That being said – I DID make some fantastic treats that day (that I may or may not still have a jar of in the freezer…)
Do you want the recipe? Well here it is! (Or you can find it in the video description as well!)
I hope you enjoyed the recipe! I have a couple of more different kinds of recipes filmed so I’ll get those out eventually, too!
One last thing…
A Little Announcement:
Previously my upload schedule had been Wednesday and Friday, but I think that those days are a bit close together, I find there to be some scrambling on Thursdays to get videos up, and I really think that’s part of the upload issue with my videos. So – for NOW – I am going to try Wednesday and Saturday and see what that does for us. Hopefully that doesn’t cause some sort of inconvenience for you. -Sincerely, Management.
Here’s today’s video. I would like to request you watch the video before finishing the blog-post today because there is some good, lighthearted content and a non-farm update there for ya! But (and fair warning here) the end of the video gets quite heavy hearted.
So go head.
Then we’ll come back here and we’ll have a little chat.
Did you watch it? Of course you did!
First of all – I would like to say that I almost didn’t add that ranty bit at the end. I gave a lot of thought to the fact that it was an emotional dumpster fire and that I didn’t need to air that stuff out in public. Part of me wanted to just dismiss it as it being close to my moon time and thusly, emotions are high.
And then I thought “F*ck. That.”
For starters, it may not always be pretty, but that’s the entire point of me starting this channel. I cannot expect myself to move forward if I don’t work through these things, and if even just one person who is watching is going through the same thing, then maybe they will feel like they are not alone out there and they know that they have someone they can turn to, who is also struggling, but who is also trying.
And one more thing – girls – it’s not okay to let anyone else make you feel like your emotions are less valid just because you are at a certain space in your cycle, let alone make yourself feel that way. So let’s squash that right the eff now. Would I have been still feeling this way if it were two weeks from now? Probably. Would I have been feeling this raw and open about it? Maybe not. But now is not a time for pushing emotions aside and hoping they fix themselves. Now is a time for progress.
So, as mentioned in the video, I recently attended a funeral, that turned out to be an all day exercise in catharsis. The deceased was the father of a childhood friend and classmate and the exposure to the closeness of death, especially that of a parent, paired with the exhibition of the success of a few of my classmates in comparison (by my mind only) to my lack of success really got me spiraling.
I began to experience this swelling vulnerability within myself that I’ve always somewhat felt creep in; but the “adult” logical part of me used to keep that all at bay. However, now I’m filled with this emotional wanderlust that I just can’t fight off anymore.
When I was young I truly and blindly believed that I was destined to be a rock star some day – and often I can be heard telling people that I was far too old to accept that I was never going to be a rock god by the time that I did accept it. Which is true. It hasn’t been that long.
Who’s fault is that, though? Really – it’s mine and mine alone. Sure I somehow missed the class where they teach you that you can be anything you set your mind to (but you have to put in more work than you ever though possible, pair that up with a burning desire to success at all costs, and an unwillingness to accept that you likely won’t actually attain that desire because of things like bills, college, romantic interest, and the all around perversion of whimsy that comes about around the same time you lose your final baby tooth and therefore your last bit of innocence and hope.) Then I chose to let other things become more important to me such as keeping that menial job because I have to have something to pay the bills, oh and let’s not even get me started on the countless amount of boys I spent my hard earned dollars on making sure they had every last possible thing they could desire.
Now what am I left with? An overly achy, over-weight body, debt that seems grow exponentially, gray hair, and bunch of mundane SHIT laying around my house that makes me miserable.
Disclaimer: Yeah, I know. I sound like a whiney, cry-baby, little bitch. Wah Wah Wah. I understand that there are people out there who have actual bad lives. They don’t have access to food, shelter, water, or even a safe place to be. I do have those things. So yes, in the grand scheme of things, in the ledger of the entirety of the world and the people who have it truly bad, I don’t rank very high. BUT, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m unhappy. I also am aware than in the heat of the moment I used terms such as “poor” in regards to my financial situation and that the mindset around that is negative. Damnit, I was falling into a pool of despair and I just needed to be able to tread water a little bit.
I’m sitting here telling myself that I should just do the things I want to do. Okay… What are those things? I mean there are a couple of things I dare to dream of, but on a day-to-day basis, I simply could not tell you what it would be that I would like to fill my time with doing. Now, in an upcoming video were are going to discuss a few options, and I’ve conceded to the fact that two or three things is better than no things.
If I truly think about it, my problem is this: I don’t dare to dream. Or I don’t dare to dream big enough. I feel ridiculously guilty when I do; and because I don’t dream, I don’t have any motivation to try or and gumption.
It’s time to change that. It’s time to take my eighteen-year-old self and shake her by the shoulders and say “Saho, if that boy didn’t like that you were singing, the problem is with him and the brokenness inside of him, not with you. Don’t let anyone put out your flame!” It’s time to take my twenty-three-year-old self and sit her down and say “Saho, you don’t have to take care of everyone and try to be so grown up, you can love without putting yourself through all of that”.
It’s time to take my thirty-year-old self by the shoulders and say “Saho, just because you love someone does not mean you have to change who you are in order to be with them. What’s meant to be is meant to be.”
And it’s time to look in the mirror and say “Saho, you had your cry and now it’s time to asses what you don’t like about your life and start to make some changes if you ever hope to be truly happy. You have something to offer this world and you’re not too old to find it.”
A lot of what I said in the vlog I meant. Actually, all of it.
I do hate my job. But I’m no fool, I know I have to have a job. I have to be able to pay the bills, and you know what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with selling insurance. Nothing. But it’s not for me, I know that. Just like the logical decision making, yes, from the standpoint of financial security I am going down the right path, but I have to kill the wild thing inside of me in order to stay on that path and I don’t want to do that. I want to nurture the wild thing. Therefore, I may have to start giving up some of my creature comforts or find a different way to finance them, because as much I hate to admit it, money is what makes the world go ’round.
I don’t have children so that is not a factor in my decision making. I’d like to think that if I did have children that would skew my perspective a bit. Something that has bothered me for a long time is the fact that I don’t have children, so you would think that I would have some amazing life experiences under my belt, and in a way I suppose that I do, but not in the way I had hoped.
Friday’s video will stem off of today. It won’t be anywhere near as raw of a tear down, but I really truly felt that if we were going to REALLY level up, we needed to start from the bottom, and there it was.
I hope this kind of clarified some of my emotions. I’m not as forlorn as the video makes me sound. That was some heat of the moment stuff. BUT! It is something that affects my decisions in the waking day, my mental health, and even my dreams. If it were you, wouldn’t you want to make a change, too?
Thank you for sticking with me and I hope to see you soon!
P.S. – I just want to say one more thing – I had a smaller version of the conversation about wanting to be close to my parents with a patron of the bar I work at and he told me “you can’t think that way, your parents want you to live your life”. Well yes, of course they do, but I don’t want to be away from my parents. I moved really far away from my parents just as soon as I could and I wish I hadn’t. Plus my mom is my best friend. One of my dude’s friends told me once that he thought it was seriously messed up that his girlfriend is best friends with her mom. Excuse me? My mom is a wonderful person and you would be lucky to have her as a friend and I will fight anyone who challenges me on that.
Seriously, though, I moved back to my hometown to be closer to my parents and I’ll be damned if I just don’t even know how to talk to my dad. Not because of anything other than I just don’t know what to say. I try to get by there often, but that’s not always the case. If I were to move away now and something happened before I could work through that with myself I would never forgive myself. Never. I’ve always tried to live my life by making choices that would not lead to regret, and while that is a win some/lose some strategy (obviously or we wouldn’t be here) there are certain things I am not willing to compromise on.
Okay, I know, I know – what a “basic” topic, but really – some of this stuff is really cool and some of this stuff is an absolute life SAVER and I couldn’t just hold that in any longer! I needed to share my findings with the world.
Now. . . I filmed the video hastily and in retrospect there are some things that I would have done differently, stylistically, but here we are and I can apply those ideas in the future. (But seriously what’s with my hair? Did I over condition? Probably…) This one is a bit long, and clocking in at just under 18 minutes, it’s 1/3 of the original length before editing! Hah! Please stick to it, I threw in some funny little tidbits along the way for you, and you never know – you may just learn something.
One last thing I will note about the production of the video before I move on to some truly educational information is that my office is NOT the “most bestest” place to film. I need much more lighting and the backdrop needs to probably change. I love the porch. Alas. . .
On to my top five favorite items for summer!
1.) Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry Touch SPF 100+
Sunscreen is important and I’ll tell you why. It makes the sunburn no happen. Jokes aside, how would you like a big hefty dose of skin cancer? No? What about premature wrinkles and crepey skin? Well… Sunscreen. Preferably with a true, palpable SPF, or Sun Protection Factor, or at least 30. According to Skincancer.org, “The SPF number tells you how long the sun’s UV radiation would take to redden your skin when using the product exactly as directed versus the amount of time without any sunscreen. … An SPF 30 allows about 3 percent of UVB rays to hit your skin. An SPF of 50 allows about 2 percent of those rays through.” Another thing that is important to understand is that SPF does not exponentially increase as each number increases. In fact, it’s diminishing, and some schools of thought out there believe that because of that decreasing amount of coverage, the point of going any higher that SPF 30 is quite moot. I, on the other hand, disagree, as I can tell you by what amount of fried skin I have after a day of borrowing some peasant level SPF 30 sunscreen from a normie versus remembering my own with mega UV proctection.
2.) 48oz. Nalgene Bottle
Well, who doesn’t want just a big ol’ bottle that they can fill up far less times than that little 16oz bottle you’re probably toting? Just saying… 1/3 the amount of trips to the faucet (but 3x the amount of trips to the potty? Maybe. Maybe not.) It’s important to stay hydrated when dealing with all of this summer heat. Especially this year. Go ahead – I challenge you to tell me you haven’t experienced some of this massive heat wave that is floating around our earth. HERE is a very good article you should ABSOLUTELY take the time to read about the affects of dehydration and heat stroke. It’s no joke. And before you tell me that you get plenty of water from the soda you’re drinking, or beer, or anything else that has water listed as an ingredient, let me just first tell you to GROW UP! We’re both wrong anyway – anything with electrolytes is going to be far more hydrating than water alone or soda. But guess who’s kidney’s are going to last through the apocalypse? Yeah, not the ones filtering out the copious amounts of soda with no plain water to soothe them.
Bonus: Splash Guard:
Now, the rest of these I’m not going to go on and on about because I really do in the video. I am, however, still going to list and link them here. If there are any questions you have, go ahead and ask away!
3.) Sprouting Lids
Bonus: My Favorite (radish) Sprouting Seeds:
I will say this – I mentioned that I sprout the chickpeas and lentils for the chickens. They love them. I do not. The taste is NOT for me. I much prefer things like radish, broccoli, alphalpha, but to each their own! Experiment! Oh! And check this article out about how sprouts are so nutritious!
4.) T-Shirt Dresses
5.) Lady Anti Monkey Butt Powder
Seriously. Just get some.
SUPER DUPER BONUS! JLab Go Airs:
So in the video I actually go over (in depth) three different sets of earbuds, but there are definitely my favorites!
There’s a little bit more to be found within the video and in the description of the video as well, but I’m not here to give you a play by play!
With that being said, friends, it’s late and I have some sleeping to do! Hopefully this post finds you well!
Tell me what your favorite items have been for the summer!
Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.
So today’s video isn’t too spicy – but we all need a bit of the mild every once in a while, right?
Basically, I was going back through some old videos trying to find some clips to fluff up a different video and I found my first welcome video that I filmed last April.
It took a bit of debating as to whether or not I should keep it because, as you saw last week, I already posted a welcome/about video and I wasn’t sure if the backslide was a good idea or not. BUT! I really liked the lighting, sound quality, image quality, and my energy when I made that video and I couldn’t just let something like that sit on a proverbial shelf to collect space dust! Not to mention, it does a bit of a less depressing job of trying to explain what I’m all about.
It’s super short, I didn’t add very many fancy edits, but it gets the point across and I really think it will work well as a channel trailer also.
That’s it for today! Thanks for sticking around and I will see you Friday!
Hello! Today I’m calling this video a garden tour for lack of a better reference, but I don’t truly have a “garden”. I have tomatoes started and they are going to be fall producers for me, indoors – and I might just force them to live forever so I have fresh tomatoes all of the time. We shall see. I also have a stacking planter that has some herbs and lettuces. Oh, and the potatoes… Those are going in this weekend. The rest of the tour is just a little trip through my oasis and the blank canvas before I get it developed. That’s a shot in the dark because of the fact that we rent our property so there is no telling if we will be here next year or not. However, this year, four years in, I have finally decided to approach it as though we will be and I will just have to adjust accordingly if we are not. Next year I have a spot picked out for a raised bed garden and I hope to get that going. I say I’m going to do something like this every year and I never do, so hopefully I will hunker down and plan and save all winter long so that when spring hits I can hit the ground running!
That brings me to this talk of legacy… Jessica at Roots and Refuge Farm is always talking about legacy and leaving the land with things growing and producing, and I don’t disagree (or rather – she has completely skewed my mindset for the better). Legacy is important. It’s how we bless future generations, even if they aren’t ours. So with that in mind, I’ve finally committed this year to planting things on the property that I live on that will come back year after year, and spread. When I moved in there was already an existing apple tree, which you will visit briefly in today’s video. That first spring (2017) I bought a packet of asparagus seeds on a whim at the hardware store (which I still have stashed). I never did plant those little buggers because I kept telling myself that this place wasn’t permanent so what’s the point? I won’t be able to enjoy them anyway.
Fast forward to 2021 and what have I been saying all summer long? I’d be enjoying a bountiful harvest of asparagus right now if I had just planted those seeds when I bought them. Back in 2017 I didn’t think I’d be living at this place for any length of time so I didn’t allow myself to truly do anything that was long term, but now I feel like even if I’m gone next year, then someone else will be able to reap the rewards right away without having to put in the effort and maybe, just maybe I’ll be lucky enough that the next place I go has some little surprises like that for me.
This year I’ve planted mint, ground elder, irises, vinca vine… I’m rooting some clematis and trumpet vine, I’ll be spreading hollyhock seeds, I am going to plant those asparagus seeds this fall, I have some daffodils to put in the ground, I have an experiment going with some cuttings of roses and lilacs from my momma, and I have a ton more perennial seeds that I’m going to make sure go in the ground. That and I’m going to collect as many milkweed seed pods as I can and plant a huge pollinator/butterfly garden in the back. There’s probably more that I am forgetting as well as some failures, such as trying to root some sweet peas and sumac. But! That does not mean I won’t try again. If we are here for even one more year, this property is going to be even more beautiful.
In the spring I intend to plant grass seed, or find a solution (I have a big package of red clover seeds) in the area where they replaced our septic tank last spring (2020). That whole process disrupted the seed bank and some much nasty thistle grew where the ground was bare. Yuck.
I’ve also started a project where I am just taking field rock and doing some landscaping (free materials and a project for me? Yes please!) and I have taken some big timbers and started to section off a parking area.
One more thing, as if I have the time/resources (and I may not even get to it), is to build an actual platform to keep our firewood on, because right now it is just a giant pile with overgrown grass and I truly hate it.
I hope you enjoy my little escape-zone. I filmed this footage at the very end of June so it’s already time for an update. I’ll get one out, but there’s more too see and talk about before that happens!
Tell me about how you want to leave legacy. Tell me what you’re growing and what you hope to grow in the future, AND, tell me what’s inspired you to do so!
I hope you enjoy this video today, if so, please comment, like, and subscribe – and share it with someone you think would enjoy it, too!
Long time no see, right? Like we went an entire world even without touching base. You probably have given up on me. Perhaps even thought that I had succumbed.
Nope! Not at all! But GUESS. WHAT! Oh my gosh I can’t believe I’m even telling you this! Ayeeeee!
I STARTED A YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Yes I did! After the last what? Eight? Ten? Years??? I finally grew a pair and just did it.
YOU CAN WATCH MY FIRST VIDEO RIGHT HERE!
But before you do, a couple of things. . . This video is pretty cringy. I can’t even deny that. I had to do it. I had to just get it out and get it published so I could move on and do better. I’m pretty excited to have you tag along with my while I learn how to talk to the camera, how to LOOK at the camera. . . Who I am on camera. . . Not to mention editing and filming techniques, and oh my goodness sound quality. I have serval videos waiting in the wings, and I’m learning something new about how to do this with each one, and I’m super confident over time I will do a lot better!
Something to please remember is that I am a human and if you don’t like it you don’t have to be rude. You can just politely exit. I am a person with very little self confidence, and while the opinion of strangers should not have a bearing on my psyche, it probably will. I am not perfect, but I AM putting myself out there.
HOWEVER!!! I hope you like it enough toooo like, comment, and subscribe! It only gets better from here!
Oh! And also! Leave me a comment either here (or preferably on the video) and tell me what kinds of content you want to see!
Thanks so much for sticking with me all this time! I’m looking forward to “taking this to the next level”. 😉